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Former Scotland captain Stuart Hogg has said he ended his playing career in order to save his marriage but the decision was the "biggest mistake" of his life.
The 33-year-old, who pleaded guilty to a single charge of domestic abuse of his ex-wife Gillian last November, retired at the age of 31 in 2023.
The three-time British and Irish Lions tourist made the announcement two months before the start of the Rugby World Cup, citing wear and tear on his body.
He reversed that decision last summer and was granted bail to allow him to travel to France to play for Montpellier after he had breached a court order to avoid contact with his ex-wife.
Hogg, who won 100 caps for Scotland and is one of the greatest players the country has produced, said he was "up to his eyeballs in anti-depressants" prior to his retirement at the end of a four-year spell at Exeter Chiefs.
"I gave up on my rugby career to try to save my marriage. At the time, I didn't know who I was," the former Glasgow Warriors full-back told The Rugby Paper., external
"I didn't know what was going on in life, whether I was making people happy or sad. I used alcohol to escape. I was purely existing.
"I'm in a better place mentally than I've been in years. I used to think being selfish was strength.
"But I took that too far. I hurt people. Now, I'm learning to be selfless for the right reasons - for my kids, my partner, my team. I know I'll never be the same Stuart Hogg I once was, but I'm OK with it. I've found peace."
Hogg, who joined Exeter from Glasgow in 2019, was spared jail time when sentenced in Selkirk Sheriff Court in January and was instead ordered to complete a community payback order with one year of supervision.
The Hawick-born player, who recently stated he had "reset" at a rehabilitation clinic after his initial arrest, said that taking part in a charity event was the catalyst to him coming out of retirement.
"The Doddie Aid cycle ride from Scotland to Rome changed everything," he added in the interview with The Rugby Paper.
"For the first time since retiring, I felt part of a team again. I came back and told my dad 'I've made the biggest mistake of my life'.
"I missed the camaraderie, the laughs, the buzz. I needed that back.
"The players and coaches [at Montpellier] value me, maybe because I finally value myself.
"The real downside is being away from my kids and getting the chance to go back and see them regularly. The hope is that they will be able to come out to France and see me."
